Let’s be honest: gossip and negative speech are everywhere. Everyone does it, so it feels completely normal to bitch about your irritating relatives – or click on that juicy article about a celebrity’s messy break-up, and then dissect it gleefully with a friend. Our society actively encourages us to gloat over others’ shortcomings. Their weight gain, their hair loss or their divorce. It seems like an entertaining, harmless way to pass the time. But is it really harmless?

Gossip is bad for your health

You might pay a lot of attention to what goes into your mouth when it comes to your wellbeing – but have you thought about the effects of what comes out of your mouth? As a health coach, one of my focuses is helping to wean people off the sugary, ultra-processed foods that are harming their health. I find that the similarities between gossip and junk food are striking. We even use the same vocabulary (a juicy piece of gossip). Both of them give us a quick lift – but ultimately leave us feeling queasy and worse about ourselves.

Speaking negatively about others is like drinking our own poison. Studies show that speaking or hearing negative words triggers a stress response in the brain, releasing cortisol. That’s the stress hormone that can lead to anxiety, mood swings and even weight gain.

Is your speech poisoning your relationships?

When we focus on others’ shortcomings, we are unwittingly training our brains to look for faults. That negativity seeps into how we view others, and worse, how we view ourselves. Negative speech also creates tension in relationships: what if the friend you’re venting to wonders what you say about them when they’re not around?

Speaking positively, on the other hand, can help us to feel calmer and happier. It leads to more harmonious relationships with others – and inner peace for ourselves. It boosts our self-esteem and gives us an injection of energy that we would otherwise have spent slagging off other people. Tearing others down doesn’t make us feel better in the long run. In fact, it often does the opposite. Lifting others up (even silently) feels so much better than dragging them down.

Looking to change your life? Start with your speech.

I recently coached a group of women to gradually ditch negative speech, based on the Jewish laws of avoiding loshon hora (evil speech). The results were remarkable. 100% of the participants said it had altered their attitude to their own speech, reporting that they felt happier, more peaceful, calmer, less triggered and prouder of themselves for speaking more mindfully.

To make this coaching accessible to everyone, I’ve created a transformational audio course called Elevate Your Words: Elevate Your World. In just six weeks, this easy-to-follow course will help you to elevate not just your words, but your entire outlook on life.

With time and effort, we can choose to be more intentional with our words and make sure they align with the person we want to be. We can choose to be the kind of person who spreads light, not shadows. Let’s focus on building a kinder, more uplifting world…starting with our own words.

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Pause before you speak

Before sharing that juicy bit of news, take a breath and ask yourself: Is this true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? If it doesn’t pass the test, hold it in.

2. Celebrate wins

Instead of focusing on someone’s shortcomings, try pointing out their strengths or achievements. It feels better, and you’ll inspire others to do the same.

3. Be choosy about who you spend time with

If one of your friends spends their time bitching about others, take a rain check on going out with them.

4. Redirect the conversation

If a conversation starts veering into a bitch-fest, gently steer it back by saying something like, “I listened to an amazing podcast yesterday.”

5. Choose gratitude

Shift the vibe by sharing something you’re grateful for. Gratitude is contagious and helps to create a positive atmosphere in any conversation.

You can hear me share more insights in this episode of my Midlife Illuminated podcast: Are Your Words Ruining Your Health?

And if you’d like to feel calmer and more peaceful within six weeks, you can begin today with my Elevate Your Words, Elevate Your World audio course. Find more details and join me here.